I once was sun-kissed, now I lay frozen here


Is there anything better than spending your Sunday night home - blogging, watching movies, eating a lot, reading, going through an old Vogue and Elle magazines while it's freaking raining as fuck outside? I'm not really a huge fan of storms, especially thunderstorms if I'm alone...without my thunder/cuddle buddy, but I'm a pretty huge lover of rain. I just find joy and peace of mind during rainy days and I somehow always come up with my best life plans while laying in bed and watching my favourite movies on rainy days. Right now...I'm here in front of my computer with hot chocolate by my side and the sound of thunder outside. Such a calm and terrifying feeling at the same time...

Besides enjoying this rainy night it feels like I'm in another world, lately. Ok, last month. Since my uncle's death. I constantly feel that I don't even know what the fuck am I feeling. But it's getting better day by day. It's weird how something terrible - that simply can't be fixed needs to happen that we start to respect what we have in life or our relationship with other people. Ever noticed that? If I speak for my myself...I admit, I haven't really respected life until a month ago. I just took it for granted. To live, have a great family and friends in my life, dream job, perfect vacations. And now I learned that I'm just so fucking privileged to have all that in my life. That even though I hate showing my emotions I should show them from time to time and let people I care about know how much I love them and what they mean to me...because you never really know when it's gonna be the last time you could say that. Life works in mysterious ways. My biggest regret when I think of my uncle is a fear that he didn't know how much I loved him and how proud I actually was of him, because I never really showed that. Or said that.

He texted me a lot, saying "how's my child...when are you coming?" or "are the guys treating you well? Do I have to beat someone?" and I was always like "oh, c'moon uncle...give me a break." Now I sincerely wish I could hear him say that to me at least one more time. I wish I could even remember our last conversation we had and hear his voice again, but I can't. Well, I unfortunately can't turn back time or take away the pain, but I can learn something from this. And I did! I still live in a fear that something bad is going to happen someone else I love and can't sleep without waking up totally panic few times at night, but like I said...it getting better day by day. And even though we've lost such a great person - not only because he was my family, but because he really was, I'm happy to still have the rest of my family and absolutely the most amazing friends in my life! And until I have them everything's gonna be alright in the end...if not, it's not the end.

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