It's Movember. I am tired of being brave.


Here I am. Drinking coffee in hope to make me a little bit warmer and thinking. 
Why must I think? I don't want to think. I want to force my mind to become a blank and lie back, and accept quietly, tolerantly, whatever comes. But I guess that wouldn't be me. 

I've been thinking about changes. Well, actually more about how nothing stays the same. Almost every day brings something new into our lives. New people, new opportunities, new ups and downs, new feelings, new perspectives etc. Seems like nothing ever is for certain. And that's a little bit terrifying, isn't it? Sometimes I have a feeling that I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I’m seeing, nor what I’m hearing or thinking or feeling. Maybe I just don't want to know. I know it's still November (wait...should I say Movember?), but December spirit is officially in town and it made me think what a crazy ride was this 2013 year. When did a year pass by so fast? And what the fuck happened to my New Year's resolutions? Oh, wait.
 I know, same as with the one before and the one before and one before. Nothing. I always end up writing a New Years resolution in my diary and somehow I always end up not doing it. Maybe that's why I have a feeling that I'm sometimes hitting a repeat button in my life. The last two years were one of my favourite years in my whole life. Everything was so different, yet so similar! I kind of had a time of my life when it comes to my social life, travelling around, meeting new people, having fun, doing things we shouldn't do but we of course did but I figure it out that I'm getting a little bit scared of that. Scared that I may wake up one day and realize that few more years passed (I'm still not sure where did this year go so fast) and I'm still at the same point in my life. Have you ever thought about that? That life doesn't wait for you to stop having fun and being silly and do something from yourself. That there's no right or wrong time for things like we may think? When it comes to love I always thought that it's not perfect timing in my life for that because I'm enjoying life and having fun or working on my dreams or studying hard or something. I always had a stupid excuse for that. Damn, I was wrong. There's no such a things as good or wrong timing.There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment. 

Wait. This writing is getting as messy as my thoughts are right now. What I'm trying to say here besides that I'm obviously growing up and I'm scared of that, that we should live a life that has never been lived before. Make for yourself a world you can believe in. Make accidents on purpose. Be silly. Just don't forget that life goes on without waiting for us to do or make something. And we should do that "something" before it's too late. So, my first note to myself would be...I guess:  Go get an ice-cream. Rainy weather makes you think to much! No I'm joking.

Note for myself: You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go DO them before it's too late! And don't forget go get an ice-cream!

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